New stuff on the way

writing

I actually found time to write, today! 1500 words starting out our School of Magic feature for the website, an Elf Hero supplement that I mentioned before. However, I’m going to review it a bit and make a few drawings, so I will most likely post it no sooner than tomorrow (Friday) morning.

In contrast to the Magic Sword bit that I posted last week, which was mostly dialogue, this is almost entirely narration. And so I will probably invent some new bits to pad it out, er, I mean, to make it even better!

Guns and more

gun

Larry Correia, interviewed on guns and research in fiction.

It isn’t just guns, but any topic where the reader is an expert and the author is clueless. The problem is that when you write something that the reader knows is terribly wrong, it kicks them right out of the story and ruins the experience for them.

Bonus: how to be a successful writer, in two easy steps!

A. Get good enough that people will give you money for your stuff.
B. Find the people who will give you money for your stuff.

Or as it should be properly linked to get clicks, 2 Weird Tricks to Make $$$ Writing.

UPDATE: Check out these awesome animations demonstrating the inner workings of a handgun in operation. You don’t have to be a gun enthusiast to appreciate the mechanics.

LYRICS: Troll Man

Airek and Baughb as Crake and Elfwood

Crake and Elfwood are the Grooze Brothers, and this is their song.

TROLL MAN (sung to the tune SOUL MAN)

Lurkin’ for you
‘Neath a wooden bridge
Want some cold cuts
Got an empty fridge!

When I see you
You’re my meat loaf
But don’t worry
‘Cause I’m an oaf!

I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN

Got what I got
At Safeway
They stock the shelves
But I never pay!

I’m a hungry man
Not some jerk
I stand in line
And I eat the clerk!

I’M A TROLL MAN (Ow!)
I’M A TROLL MAN (Play it, Skeeve!)
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN (Ha! Listen!)

I was brought up
On a side of beef
Got a cow stuck
Between my teeth

I’ll stew you up
With some good stock
Got an oven
That just won’t stop!

I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN

(BRIDGE)
Get in the pot
And I’ll push you in
You’ll be well done
In my only oven
Yeah — yeah!
Yeah — yeah!

I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN
I’M A TROLL MAN


By the way, an explanation of the strange names at the top of the post:

Don’t forget to hit that donation button! We need to get the water service turned back on in the worst way…

Airek and Baughb as Crake and Elfwood

Airek and Baughb as Crake and Elfwood

Free indie: Red Queen

red-queen

Free indie on Kindle through Tuesday.

Sitcom opportunities

A little note about what’s coming up. The recent post about magic swords represents a plan finally coming together: exploiting relatively static situations for humorous dialogues and small stories, i.e., sitcoms, for the purpose of diverting and entertaining readers while I work on the “real” book. And hopefully entertain people enough to want to throw money at us.

There are quite a number of Big Events in the old Elf Life universe and the upcoming Elf Hero books to sustain the novels. But there are also periods of rest and routine. For example, the elf hero dictating his memoirs to his biographer is a fairly simple and static setup. Every so often, we’ll return to them and listen to Baughb beguile Mudyard Stipling with more nonsensical adventures from his past. But it can’t be that every time. So I’ve been trying to think what other situations I might have that may have equal potential, and have no danger of veering off into a timeline.

I’ve figured out one more now, for sure. Hold on to your hats, because here comes GLYNHIAL’S SCHOOL OF MAGIC! You’ve heard of Hogwarts? This is going to be like homeschooling by comparison. Like Baughb’s memoirs, this takes place a bit after the old webcomic left off. There are three faeries left in the world, and the powerful Glynhial must impart her knowledge to whoever she can find who might possess magic. So we’ll eavesdrop.

This particular “sitcom” won’t make magic tedious, because sometimes Glynhial will find herself student to the capitalistic dress shop owner, Gazinda. The magic school is simply our loose framework.

What else can we do? Perhaps Officer Troll in an occasional Gunsmoke-like confabulation. The Halfogres at home, wherein a former evil mermaid queen struggles with home life. Oh, yeah–I always wanted to do the mermaid pirates, too! Maybe some of this will be preperatory work for other projects to come.

Wish me luck! We still have a lot of awful stuff to get through, here, first.